


their timing had always been off

by krystine



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Crying, Love, M/M, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, no happy ending, prepare your tissues, sad as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 00:15:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20461880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krystine/pseuds/krystine
Summary: Felix and Jisung loved each other.But not at the same time.





	their timing had always been off

**Author's Note:**

> hello, happy to see that i got you interested in my au! this is sad so prepare your feelings. i hope you have a good time reading ♥

When Felix first encountered real love, it was with Han Jisung. Before, he only had meaningless crushes or meaningless relationships, nothing strong enough that could have crushed his heart or broken him. He wished to meet love, innocently dreaming of loving someone and being loved back, like in the movies. The main characters always ended up together and happy even if they had to go through some difficulties. But Felix forgot that love like in the movies didn’t exist.

It was ten years ago. At the time, they were really young. They were barely fifteen years old, starting high school like the two teenagers they were. Felix had just moved to Korea. He had always lived in Australia and suddenly, his dad got transferred to Korea. It wasn’t like Felix didn’t know how to speak a word of Korean; he did, actually. But his Korean wasn’t good enough to live there. He only knew basic words, like “I’m hungry” or “I’m home”, he wasn’t able to hold a full conversation in Korean without speaking a bit of English.

So when he had to introduce himself to his new class as a transfer student, he felt really nervous. What was he supposed to say? “Hi, I’m Felix”- wait, did he have to say his English or Korean name? His face went red and redder as time passed and now, he didn’t even remember what he said to the class. What he remembered though was that people got curious about him, whispering to their deskmates. The new student felt stressed and walked over the desk the teacher gave him, passing between the rows before sitting down like a robot.

Felix didn’t remember who was his deskmate. He had no memories of it but it didn’t matter. What mattered was how his eyes landed on one desk while the teacher was calling the roll. It was an empty desk three rows in front of him. Maybe it was someone sitting alone, like his own deskmate who was alone before he came. Still, it bugged him because it was on the second row. Usually, there weren’t people alone in the front rows. Therefore, he kept staring at it with curiosity until the door opened.

At this sudden sound, Felix turned his head like his other classmates to see who was entering. And, wow. He still remembered how he looked. Messy hair, sweating skin, clothes badly worn, the late boy should have left a bad impression on Felix. But it was the complete opposite. Glittering eyes, round cheeks, tiny body, he was so beautiful that the Australian boy’s heart immediately skipped a beat. He never saw someone that looked so appealing to him before. It was strange.

But the moment was quickly cut off as the late student apologized with a goofy smile. The whole class bursted out in laughter and an exasperated sigh escaped the teacher’s lips. The only adult in the room told the late student to go in the corridor as a punishment and the latter obeyed, rolling his eyes with a pouty face before closing the door behind him. Silence fell back again in the classroom as the teacher spoke up again. They all forgot what happened, now concentrating on class.

Unlike the others, Felix didn’t laugh, didn’t sigh. He just found the boy… cute. His pouty face was adorable. Not looking at the teacher like everyone did, rather the new student looked at the corridor’s windows. He saw two small fists in the air, meaning that he was raising his arms as a punishment like every punished student did. Felix wondered if he wasn’t hurt by keeping his arms in the air for so long. What he didn’t know yet was that Han Jisung did this every morning.

The Han Jisung came back in the classroom for the first break. As soon as he got into the room he yelled, loud as he always was. Felix didn’t know that fact yet so he was surprised, but it wasn’t the only reason. It was because Jisung pointed his finger at him with a puzzled face. 

“Who’s this?” he exclaimed. 

One of his friends quickly forced him to put his finger down as it was impolite to do so while some other kids laughed. Felix stared at him, taken aback. Jisung didn’t break their gaze and kept staring at him with a curious expression. When he realized that Jisung was waiting for an answer from him, his cheeks went red before he managed to reply. 

“I’m Lee Felix! Transfer student.”

He didn’t even know how he managed to say it but he did. Then, Jisung beamed and Felix swore that it was the most adorable smile he ever saw in his life. His eyes literally sparkled, it was so endearing. Without Felix knowing it, his own heart beat really fast.

“Let’s be friends!”

And shyly, Felix agreed.

That was how Han Jisung and Lee Felix started to be friends. Jisung was always the one to go see Felix, waving at him happily, suggesting him to eat lunch together, introducing him to his friends, helping him with Korean. Felix felt like he was taken in the middle of a storm, swayed away by Jisung’s energy. Yes, Jisung had _ too much _energy. He was always laughing, always smiling, always jumping. If people felt emotions, Jisung felt them one hundred times heavier.

When someone told him something sad, Jisung cried really easily. When someone told him something happy, Jisung smiled really easily. When someone told him something frustrating, Jisung got angry really easily. His mood switched quickly. One minute he could be crying and the other minute he could be smiling. Felix found it adorable. Jisung was like a child.

Well, in fact, Jisung _ was _a child. He never understood subliminal messages. Felix remembered that one day, a girl tried to flirt with him. It was when they were talking about a celebrity and how beautiful she was. Jisung jokingly said that he would love to be his boyfriend. And what did she say? “You’re too good to date someone like her.” The Australian boy blushed at these words, understanding that the girl had an obvious crush on Jisung and found him perfect. But Han Jisung didn’t understand. “Oh thanks!” was what he said. And Felix wanted to facepalm.

The freckled boy wouldn’t say Jisung was dumb. But sometimes he was. Or maybe he was just too innocent. Felix didn’t know anymore and he never knew, in the end. Jisung was just too straight-forward, never reading the atmosphere and doing things before thinking. His little gasps when he already did the thing he shouldn’t have done always had Felix rolling his eyes. Still, he liked him. No, he didn’t only like him.

He loved him.

His smile, his laugh, his voice, his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his lips, his hair, his arms, his waist, his legs… The way he always got late in the morning, the way he was always yelling, the way he always jumped when he was happy… Basically, Felix loved everything about Jisung. He had an endearing smile that would never fail making Felix smile. Like this, before he even knew it he fell in love with him.

When? Felix didn’t know. How? Felix didn’t know either. He just did. One day, he just noticed how he was the only one finding Jisung’s smile lovable when all of their friends didn’t. They just liked his smile because he was happy, not because he was happy _ and _ endearing. 

When he understood that, Felix felt confused. Sure, it wasn’t the first time he fell in love with someone. He had multiple crushes before, he went out with several people before. But somehow, Jisung felt different. Everything about him made Felix’s heart beat faster, made him smile and brought up his mood. Whenever he saw Jisung he felt butterflies in his stomach. If Jisung was happy, he was. If Jisung was sad, he was too. He loved him so much that he felt every pain, every smile of his. He was the one that understood him the most.

At least, he thought so. Because insecurity hit him. When he saw Jisung behaving with other people the same way he did with him, he thought that maybe, he wasn’t that important to him. Maybe it was an one-sided love. Maybe Jisung liked him but not in the same way he did.

That was one of the reasons why Felix never confessed. He was too scared of ruining their friendship. It was so precious to him, he could have never accepted to lose it for love. Jisung was too important to him. So even if it meant to hide his feelings for ever, Felix accepted it.

It wasn’t the only reason, though. Because before he thought that maybe his love was only one-sided, he tried to confess. He tried to tell him his feelings, although he never managed to do it. Why?

Because their timing had always been off.

When Felix had free time, Jisung didn’t. And when Jisung had free time, Felix didn’t. It didn’t matter if the both of them agreed to go on a friendly date somewhere, something always had to ruin it. An emergency, meeting one of their friends by luck, having to study, there was always something that stopped them from spending time together. Adding to that, Jisung was a popular kid. He had things to do there, things to do here. He was always so busy. People liked him so much. It felt like Jisung was standing in the light while Felix was standing in the dark. Jisung was Felix’s only light, blinding him with too much light. Maybe that was why he fell in love. Because at the time, the only one shining in his eyes was Jisung.

Most of the time when they were together, they talked about small things. Things that didn’t matter. How was the weather, how Jisung’s friend made him lose his game, how hard was the history class… Small things that just kept their friendship as it was, not making it stronger, not making it weaker. Their bond stayed the same. They were two good friends who enjoyed talking together. Well, perhaps Felix loved talking to Jisung more than the latter did. But it was okay. Jisung was Felix’s only light, after all.

However Felix never knew anything of Jisung’s suffering. Jisung never told him how much he was struggling with his grades, how he didn’t know what he wanted to do in the future, how his friends having a fight brought his mood down. Jisung never talked about things that could make Felix unhappy, he always talked about happy things. Small happy things that didn’t matter. So when Felix learnt about Jisung’s struggles thanks to a mutual friend, he felt his world shatter.

Jisung didn’t trust him as much as he did.

Jisung didn’t like him as much as he did.

And it hurt a lot. It hurt even if Felix already knew it. He still cried when he was alone in his bedroom. Not being loved back was more painful than he expected it to be. He never cried because of love matters before. And at seventeen years old, he did.

He never thought love in the movies didn’t exist, he never thought Jisung really didn’t like him back. But now that he had the proof and got his heart broken, he understood how hard was real life. Life wasn’t a movie.

Therefore, Felix wanted his feelings to disappear. He tried to stop loving Jisung, but it was impossible. He tried to put a bit of distance between them but seeing how sad the squirrel-like boy got when he noticed broke his heart so much that he didn’t keep doing it. He tried to stop himself from thinking how adorable was Jisung but his heart never stopped beating so fast when Jisung was here. He tried loving someone else but they were never as endearing as Jisung was.

He did try talking about love with Jisung, though. It didn’t work. They usually didn’t talk about love at all. So when Felix said that Hyunjin from class 1 was really handsome, Jisung was a bit surprised about the topic before he agreed with a big smile. That was when the Australian boy remembered how Jisung never got any subliminal messages. So he went straight-forward, as Jisung always did.

“I would be so glad if I could be his boyfriend.”

Felix would never know what Jisung wanted to answer. Before he could do it, someone called him and went to squish his cheek and the latter frowned, joking with his friend, completely forgetting about his old conversation. Felix felt his heart sink. Maybe Jisung didn’t even care about it. Or maybe their timing was just off. Maybe life didn’t even want them together.

Sadly, it came to be true. They applied to the same university but only one of them got accepted. Felix remembered how much Jisung cried. The freckled boy was busy patting his back as his friend was loudly sobbing, not even bothering to wipe his tears off his face.

“We’re never going to see each other again at school!”

That hit Felix like a truck. They were never going to see each other again. The classroom was the only place where they got to talk. Felix didn’t care if it was small things, he just wanted to talk with Jisung, to keep talking to him, to keep being his friend. If they went to two different universities, how would they talk? It would be so much harder. Maybe they would just lose contact.

Knowing that, Felix bursted in tears.

A month after, when graduation day came, he wanted to confess. Because he knew that he was never going to see Jisung again, after all. Even if he got rejected, so what? They wouldn’t see each other again anyway.

But what he forgot was that their timing was never right.

The moment seemed perfect though. Jisung smiling at Felix, waiting for what he wanted to say. The two of them standing far from the crowd of students in a calm place. Felix gathered all of his courage and tried to speak up. But as soon as he did, a ringtone resounded between them. 

“Oh sorry, it’s my phone.” Jisung hastily searched in his bag and Felix nodded in silence, holding back his feelings for the last time.

He would never get to confess.

And so, they hadn’t seen each other for one year. University started, they both led their life. Felix didn’t have any news of Jisung. If at the start they would talk a bit, with time, they both stopped. Jisung became too busy, Felix too. University got him even busier than he was in high school, with friends and school matters. Well, mostly love matters.

Seo Changbin was this sunbae one of his friends knew. So after getting to know him, whenever Felix would see him he would wave at him out of courtesy. First, it was only awkward smiles and greetings. But with time, they casually greeted each other, talking naturally about things that happened to each other. They always got to hang out with other friends, spending time together. Things he never did with Jisung.

So when Changbin confessed to him, Felix was taken aback. Not because he wasn’t expecting it, but because it made him remember Jisung. He completely forgot him. He completely forgot he was supposed to love him and confess to him, one year ago. And now, his heart was beating fast not for Jisung. But for Changbin.

Falling out of love was easier than Felix thought. He agreed to go out with his sunbae. Seeing Changbin so happy melted his heart. A few minutes after, they kissed and it felt so incredibly amazing. He never thought he would like Changbin’s lips that much. But here he was, loving these lips more than he loved Jisung’s. 

During the kiss, he never thought once about Jisung.

In fact, he never thought about Jisung until the latter sent him a text. It was still the same day, Felix was still excited about the kiss he had hours ago. Receiving the text made old memories appear again and it didn’t make him sad. Only made him feel nostalgia.

“Can we meet?” Jisung asked. With a little smile, Felix typed his answer. “Sure”, he replied. And then, he texted Changbin. 

“I love you.”

Felix texted these words to his boyfriend a few minutes ago but didn’t expect to hear them in real life. He was caught out. 

Jisung was staring at him. He seemed serious. Standing in the dark street, Felix could only observe how beautiful he got. His eyes were still as big as before but strangely, he didn’t find the sparkle he found before in his eyes. Maybe it died down with time. Or maybe Felix saw that sparkle because he was in love with him. Now that he wasn’t anymore, Jisung looked so dark. It was almost like they exchanged places.

Felix was standing under the street light while Jisung was standing in the dark.

The Australian boy scratched his neck. Hearing these words, he felt uneasy. He didn’t feel happiness at all. He just felt… bad. These words would have gotten him so happy before. But now, they did nothing to him. His heart belonged to someone else. Why didn’t he love him anymore? Why did Jisung like him when he didn’t anymore? Why was their timing so bad? He lowered his gaze, heart squeezing.

“Why?” he asked in a whisper.

Jisung faintly smiled. If Felix dared to look at him, he would have known that it was a conscious smile. A smile that showed Jisung already knew he didn’t like him back.

“I realized it when we parted ways. Without seeing you every day at school and being only able to text you, I realized how much you meant to me. When time went by for the both of us and we completely stopped contacting each other, I realized how much I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much... Even now, just seeing you makes me happy.”

Felix’s eyes started to get wet, his chin beginning to tremble as his heart sank. He should have felt so happy but only sadness was overwhelming his body.

“Missing you made me realize that I love you, Felix. I took you for granted and didn’t even think about my own feelings about you. It’s stupid, right? I have been loving you for so long and I never realized it. People always said to me how stupid I am. How dumb I am for never getting the subtle messages they throw at me. I never believed them until the day I realized my feelings for you. Yeah, I’m so stupid, Felix. I’m sorry for not realizing it sooner. I’m sorry for wasting all of these years like this. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sure you’re leading a good life without me now, right?” Jisung gave a bittersweet laugh. “So maybe I’m just being selfish because it’s obvious that I’m hurting you, but I wanted to tell you that. Felix...

“I love you.”

These three words were the final straw that got Felix break into tears. Tears rolled carelessly on his cheeks, getting them wet. His chest went up each time he had to take a breath, his nose sniffed violently and his whole body was shivering from the pain. Hearing these words was so wrenching, because he dreamt of hearing them when he was in love with Jisung.

Maybe if Jisung confessed a day earlier, Felix would have given a thought about it. Maybe if Felix confessed two years earlier, Jisung would have thought about his feelings about his friend. 

But they didn’t.

And now, Felix didn’t love Jisung anymore.

Jisung smiled again, looking at the one he loved. This time, he didn’t need Felix to tell him clearly his thoughts. This time unlike the others, he _ understood_.

“I wish you all the happiness in the world,” he murmured before turning his back to Felix. As he walked, he sank deeper in the darkness, going away from the light he was before for Felix.

The latter stood there under the light, sobbing like he did a few years ago when he was still loving Jisung.

It was over.

That was the last time they saw each other. Jisung never appeared in Felix’s life again. Felix didn’t know how he was doing, if he was happy, if he found another love in his life, too. All he did was thinking about him, from time to time.

One day, he was laying on his bed while Changbin was showering. He stared at his screen, looking at Jisung’s number.

“Hey, how are you?” was what Felix wanted to send him.

But when he was thinking about it, Changbin irrupted in his room and started to cuddle with Felix, which made him drop his phone and laugh with his boyfriend.

Maybe if Felix had more time to think about sending it, he would have sent this text. Maybe if he sent this text, Jisung and him would have talked again. Maybe they would have been friends again. Maybe they would have fallen for each other again.

But it will never happen.

Because their timing had always been off.

**Author's Note:**

> tadam. loved writing this bc obviously, i love angst.
> 
> shameless promo but i'm on twitter, @christieskz feel free to follow me hehe! if you have thoughts don't hesitate to drop them and see you around ♥


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